Saturday, November 22, 2008

Well...

Well, it happened. It wasn't that hard, in fact it was real easy. I was NOT able to post daily. I thought it would be easy, but it wasn't. I just can't think of a thing to write about. I keep coming up blank. I sure do admire folks who can post everyday. How do they do it? I have been listening and thinking and waiting for some inspiration, something that seems worthy of reading and I keep coming up short for what seems like days now.

This morning I woke up and didn't even know what day it was. I freaked out because I couldn't remember why I was home and if I need to call into work for being late. I was so lost. It took awhile to figure it out that today is Saturday, my day off. Thank goodness for that. I think I need a vacation soon. This coming week I am off a few days. I know I need it.

So that's it, exactly, I am writing about my lack of not being able to think of a topic that is blogworthy. I'm not sure if my brother's death has anything to do with it or not. I have been thinking a lot about him these past days. I know that sometimes after a death, grief can get the best of you. This is the first time I have had someone this close to me die at such a young age. It just feels sad. I don't feel like I am my usual self. I know it's important to deal with grief. I haven't wanted to talk about it much. I don't want to push the pain away or run away from it. I feel like I need to deal with it and work through it. Everything happens for a reason, I may not see why yet, but I accept that it happens. I am learning to accept that it was his time. In the whole scheme of things, I know that death is an inevitable part of life. I know that I will always love him, and miss him very much. I think emotionally it hasn't completly registered yet. It has given me a lot to think about. I feel like I need to truly appreciate and embrace the joys in my life and also feel it's an opportunity for my heart to grow stronger. I think this has allowed me to be more sensitive and understanding to the suffering of others. So I am doing my best to get through this. I am giving myself time. I feel that if I can talk about it or write about it, it might help me, and it might help lessen the grief for someone that is going through the same thing.

As I am writing this, it becomes clearer. I guess I do have a few things to say. I guess I needed to write it down to figure it out. I know that many others have lived through loss and survived and that I can too. Yes I can, and I will.

Enough of my boo-hooing for now. On a lighter note, my biggest knitting project (my CPH) is so near completion I can almost feel it! I went to G St Fabrics to pick out my buttons. The selection was slim, but I was able to pick something out. Chelette, on the other hand, was not so lucky. She didn't bring her swatch of yarn with her and couldn't make a decision. So now I just need to finish the band, put the buttons on and then I will be DONE! YAY!!!! I am sooo ready to move on to my next knitting project, just the thought of it gives me a jolt of excitement. I'm not so sure what it's going to be yet, but as soon as I know, you will know. I have been missing knitting socks, so maybe that's what I will do next. I have been obsessing at the moment with is this and this ever since I saw them. I also need to update my Ravelry project page. Okay I'm rambling..
I will close with one of my favorite Bible reads:

To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
a time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.
Ecclesiastes 3:1-8




4 comments:

Melodye said...

Waking up not knowing what day it is, been there, done that. Glad to know I'm not alone. Be gentle with yourself as you grieve. It will take as long as it takes. There is no timetable. It will get easier.

Melodye

msloloknitter3 said...

I did not know what you were blogging about until I caught on your posts for the month. Sorry to hear about your brother. The Lord will take of him and you must take of yourself and family here on this earth. It is okay to grieve, I did it for over three years when my mother suddenly died and my father followed five years later. It is not a day that goes by that I do not think about them and the good times we had together as a family. They would be so proud of their grandchildren and I talk to them every night in my prayers. Grieve as long as it takes and as times moves on, it does get better. I will keep you and your family in my prayers!!!

Anonymous said...

CC, thank you for sharing that. Grief can occur as the result of a number of different events – someone we know dies, a relationship ends, we lose a pet, we have to give up a long held goal in our life, or any other number of situations. But there is one common denominator in all of these events, and that is loss. Grief is a process of physical, emotional, social, and cognitive reactions to loss. The grieving process is often a hard one to work through. It requires patience with ourselves and with others. Although responses to loss are as diverse as the people experiencing it, patterns or stages that are commonly experienced have emerged. Knowing these five stages can sometimes help in coping with the process of grief and recognizing that there is light at the end of the tunnel. It should be noted that although most people experience all of the following stages, they do not experience them with the same duration, or in the same order, or with the same intensity. It is a very unique process. I hope this helps. I will be thinking of you.
Tammy

Darcys Knotty Knitter said...

(((((cici)))))I wish i could give you a hug in person your in my thoughts and prayers.Darcy