This morning I woke up and didn't even know what day it was. I freaked out because I couldn't remember why I was home and if I need to call into work for being late. I was so lost. It took awhile to figure it out that today is Saturday, my day off. Thank goodness for that. I think I need a vacation soon. This coming week I am off a few days. I know I need it.
So that's it, exactly, I am writing about my lack of not being able to think of a topic that is blogworthy. I'm not sure if my brother's death has anything to do with it or not. I have been thinking a lot about him these past days. I know that sometimes after a death, grief can get the best of you. This is the first time I have had someone this close to me die at such a young age. It just feels sad. I don't feel like I am my usual self. I know it's important to deal with grief. I haven't wanted to talk about it much. I don't want to push the pain away or run away from it. I feel like I need to deal with it and work through it. Everything happens for a reason, I may not see why yet, but I accept that it happens. I am learning to accept that it was his time. In the whole scheme of things, I know that death is an inevitable part of life. I know that I will always love him, and miss him very much. I think emotionally it hasn't completly registered yet. It has given me a lot to think about. I feel like I need to truly appreciate and embrace the joys in my life and also feel it's an opportunity for my heart to grow stronger. I think this has allowed me to be more sensitive and understanding to the suffering of others. So I am doing my best to get through this. I am giving myself time. I feel that if I can talk about it or write about it, it might help me, and it might help lessen the grief for someone that is going through the same thing.
As I am writing this, it becomes clearer. I guess I do have a few things to say. I guess I needed to write it down to figure it out. I know that many others have lived through loss and survived and that I can too. Yes I can, and I will.
Enough of my boo-hooing for now. On a lighter note, my biggest knitting project (my CPH) is so near completion I can almost feel it! I went to G St Fabrics to pick out my buttons. The selection was slim, but I was able to pick something out. Chelette, on the other hand, was not so lucky. She didn't bring her swatch of yarn with her and couldn't make a decision. So now I just need to finish the band, put the buttons on and then I will be DONE! YAY!!!! I am sooo ready to move on to my next knitting project,
I will close with one of my favorite Bible reads:
To everything there is a season,
a time for every purpose under the sun.
a time to be born and a time to die;
a time to plant and a time to pluck up that which is planted;
a time to kill and a time to heal ...
a time to weep and a time to laugh;
a time to mourn and a time to dance ...
a time to embrace and a time to refrain from embracing;
a time to lose and a time to seek;
a time to rend and a time to sew;
a time to keep silent and a time to speak;
a time to love and a time to hate;
a time for war and a time for peace.